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Men and women are so different they seem to come from different planets. Or at least that’s what John Grey the author of the New York Times best seller, Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus claims. Embracing and accepting our differences will help us maintain heathy relationships with the opposite sex. But, what does that mean?
Men are able to focus on narrow issues and block out unrelated information and distractions. Women naturally see everyday things from a broader, “big-picture” vantage point. We can all recall walking by a couple where the woman is chatting away and the guy is seemingly staring into space. The man might really care for her but just can’t tune in to all the mind numbing details in the story. Men prefer to get to the point quickly vs. walking around the point in circles. Instead of getting into the complex mind of a female, I’ll simply point out 5 major points that, if employed, will help you communicate much better with women.
“I don’t know…… what do you want to do?”
We all hate this question but it’s one that is asked quite often by both sexes. When she asks you a question, its best to always have an answer. Even if you truly have no idea where you want to eat just say the first place that pops into your mind. Always having an answer sets a tone and creates a pattern that has her seeing you as a man with answers and a man that cares. Don’t pretend to know things you don’t actually know though, women can smell a lie from a mile away. If she asks you how to say thank you in Chinese. Respond with “let me look it up.” I’ve heard many times that a woman’s favorite 3 words said by a man is some form of “I’ve got this.”
Communication not interrogation.
You’ve heard people say if you get her talking about herself she’ll feel like she’s having a good time and connecting with you. This is true but it doesn’t mean interrogate her. Asking her a steady stream of questions makes her feel like you are genuinely interested in her. Contribute to the conversation and make sure you relate to her and evoke emotion. Make sure that you ask open ended questions that require more than one word as a response and can turn into a conversation. “What do you like about living in Los Angeles?”
Learning to drive a woman.
If you want something to change in the relationship it’s going to require time. Take time as you sit together, cook together, eat together, travel together to voice your dissatisfaction with certain aspects of the relationship. Just do it in a calm fashion, tone of voice is about half of the communication so pay attention to your tone. Reassure her that you’re happy (if you are) with the overall relationship; you just want one or two things to change. When she has the mic be an active listener, don’t look around or just sit there, and don’t say “uh uh” every few seconds. Watch her body language, tone and proceed like they taught us in drivers ed. IPDE. Identify, predict, decide and execute.
No unnecessary apology.
Most women I know think a man comes off as a wimp when he starts every sentence off with “I’m sorry.” Don’t apologize for not agreeing with her, don’t apologize for wanting to watch the game (unless it’s during her grandmothers funeral) Not only will you over use “sorry” but it won’t have the same impact when you really mean it.
Don’t argue with crazy..
When I say “Don’t argue with crazy.” I mean that to a woman, she’s not being crazy at the moment, even though every other person on this earth would clearly side with your opinion. They are what they are and you attempting to rationalize or solve the problem isn’t always the right thing to do. If she starts crying during a cat commercial because the cat is “just so fluffy,” the smart thing to do is simply put your arm around her and attempt to put yourself in her shoes. Is she suffering from PMS, did her cat just die, or did she forget to take her meds? Regardless of where she is on the crazy scale the right way to deal with something you see is illogical or “crazy” is to sympathize with it and bring some humor into the situation if possible to lighten the mood.
Erika Jordan
Loveologist, ACS
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Erika Jordan